Sausage and Chantix

I'm disappointed and frustrated and optimistic.

I think the Chantix is working...but with my particular 'style' of smoking (homework, phone calls, after I get of work, and with alcohol-but never during the day), it's tough to tell if this stuff is working. I did have a fleeting craving for a cigarette this afternoon, but since it was snowing outside and I damn near froze off my dogs whist taking out the (real) dog, I decided fuck it, I'm not trudging out into the winter wonderland to buy cigarettes. I only had a few puffs off of Dean's last night, but I also declined my normal Saturday-night beer or wine. I suppose the real test will be...what, tomorrow? The next day? Heck, I don't know. I'm avoiding my triggers, but being that I answer a phone for a living and if I go more than two days without talking to my mom then she has a kitten, one of my triggers will come sooner or later. Or hell...maybe not. Maybe it IS this easy.

I do think I am noticing the side effects though. No rages or psychosis...I've actually been in a really great mood....but I feel like the plant in Little Shop of Horrors. Some day that it is because I'm no longer supressing my appetite with smokes, but for me, that does not hold true, since I don't smoke during the day. Lately I've been doing good with this whole Are-you-feeding-your-hunger-or-feeding-an-emotion kick. Well, that got blown to shit yesterday and today.

I usually make a big breakfast on weekends, and then that holds me till dinner. The works, eggs, bacon, turkey sausage, high-fiber bread or tortilla, coffee, and fruit. It's quite the spread. I ate my breakfast yesterday, then ate a handful of nuts...then some pudding...then some egg-drop soup...then some beef fried brown rice...then two low carb ice cream bars...then a big bowl of grapes...then the fucking kitchen sink. And I never felt overstuffed during the day once.

Today wasn't quite as bad, I made some biscuits and sausage red-eye gravy (use coffee and cornstarch in lieu of milk...sounds weird, tastes great) and eggs, had a handful or pecans, a high-fiber quesadilla and a very small bowl of egg noodles and sausage red sauce for dinner (leftover sausage from this morning). Not exactly healthy, but I can say with confidence I'm full right now. But normally I don't eat as much on the weekends because I'm not bored.

Blagh. I don't want to get on the scale in the morning. I just got under 290 again...I don't want to go back up.