Holding myself accountable

What isn't there to write about. I see I haven't blogged since I lived in the penis of the United States that I hear some of ya'll call "Florida". Not Flor-i-duh....or Fucki-duh or No Floride in da Watah...alright, enough of that.

So there is a ton of stuff I shall be writing about, but for now, the most pressing issue.

As some of you may or may not know, me and Mauzzband (that's Dean to the rest of you), have been trying-but-not-trying to get pregnant i.e. no more pull'n'pray. This is leading to a plethora of self discovery, much of which is decidedly unsavory.

1. How the fuck did you women just whoopsies-oopsies wind up pregnant?

This is a precise science!! I see now why it is a 'miracle.' I hate myself a little bit for saying that.

2. Wow. I REALLY developed a taste for red wine in Florida.

I believe the term is "self-medication". Weaning myself off the sour grape juice wasn't as tough as I'd anticipated. I swapped the wine with tea most evenings, save for Fridays and Saturdays (and sometimes Thursdays). According to the interbot, more than some arbitrary number of drinks per week can make your eggs all boozy or something, making them tougher to fertilize. I believe what the Internet tells me.

3. I am such a cow!

So here goes...the last visit to the doctor I was at 303. That's right. Three hundred and three pounds (shudder). I guess I was in the two hundreds for so long that if I gained or lost weight, it didn't really register because I said "Well, at least I'm not 300!" Those days of delusion are officially over. So yes, this time I am dead fucking serious about losing all this ass because never in my life did I think I would have the same weight as area code. Plus this can also really hinder pregnancy. Plus I hate my massive double chin. Plus I am getting into the upper sizes of Lane Bryant. Plus, plus plus. I need some minus up in here. So I went back on the South Beach Diet on Friday and as of this morning, I am down to 292. Still way to high, but not quite as Big Bertha.

4. School is hard and work is long and wifely duties are time consuming and I am out of my mind to even be thinking about putting a baby in the mix.

Think your stressed and fat now? Hey, why not attach a screaming midget to your tit every three hours! Why is it I have such a powerful urge to make life more complicated? Cutters have it easy. They can just wear long sleeves. This is a different kind of masochism.

5. When all is said and done, I am actually 60% happy.

Most days, Dean does not make me crazy. In fact, most days, Dean makes me laugh and helps me with dishes and homework and shares inside jokes with me and plays cards with me and even watches crappy movies that only I want to see with me (OK that last one not very often). He is on his final class and will be a real live college graduate October 5th! I think I am more excited for this that he is because it means we can go out....to dinner! Go out...to a movie. Go out...to the park! With no worrying about the paper that needs to be completed or chapter that needs to be read! Sweet, sweet freedom. Of course, come January this will all be over because he will be starting his Masters program (and let's not forget that I will be in school throughout the duration of his break and Masters program as well), but I won't think about that.

It is also fall in Colorado. I have this half-baked theory that a persons favorite season coincides with the one they were born in. Being an October baby, I love fall. Dean is an early November baby, and he loves fall. My co-worker is a September baby and she loves fall. After suffering through two years worth of summer in Florida only to come to Colorado smack dab in the middle of winter, it is safe to say that I have earned this fall. I'm pretty sure it's going to be glorious.

I have also made some absolutely amazing friends and reconnected with some old ones since moving back to Colorado. Jamie, Jamie, Cassie, Bobbi, Tasha, Angie, Kim, Marcedes, Nicole, Leah (although we started our reconnection when you found out I was moving back, look at you, moving in on the kill!)...if any of your gals (and one guy) read this, man! I freaking love you guys! Like a lot! I am never bored and almost always laughing when I am around you guys.

And of course my darling Desi, sweet Texas tea 'n' toast Jamie-James-Jars and Christy the Crusty Cuban...great things come in threes, and without you three I'd be a sad puddle of Sarah.

So in the spirit of holding myself accountable, I am going to update this thing with weekly updates on weight and school and life and crap. I don't know how many of you are actually interested in reading my shit but I'd be over the moon if you'd become followers of this so that, in the words of one of my personal favorite bloggers, the Pasta Queen, I am not writing this to some endless black void in the Internet.

Ok, that's all for now.