Binge, anyone?

Why do people binge? Why do women, especially, seem to enjoy the binge?

So for the longest time, I have stayed away form the 'bad' foods. I haven't eaten the following on a regular basis, depending on the food, anywhere from 2-11 years.

Fast food- almost never. I had an Egg McMuffin on Monday with Dean. Before that, I think it was eight months ago, whilst traveling with Bob from Florida to Colorado.
Sugary soda- I have never, ever liked soda. Even as a little girl. I never understood how people got addicted to soda. I prefer coffee, tea, water (or me). Tee hee.
White pasta- This is a binge trigger food, so I don't eat it. I can easily cook a whole box of regular white-flour pasta, load it up with butter, garlic salt, pepper and Parmesan and eat the entire thing. It is the ultimate comfort food, only I always feel like a fat, bloated loser afterwards.
White rice- Again, huge trigger food. I will eat three cups, with butter and soy sauce, easy. No good. I stay away.
White bread- I think the reason it is so easy for me to lose it on white bread is because has nothing of substance in it. I've actually grown accustomed to the darker breads, so this is easy to avoid for me.
Donuts, pastries, etc.- I never really ate many of these either, because I like to feel full after I eat.
Ho-hos, twinkies, any other hostess crap- never a problem. Mom didn't buy it and buy the time I was old enough to buy them on my own, I thought they tasted dry, crumbly and foul.
Panera bagels with lots of cream cheese- I could eat a dozen. No joke. They put me in a food trance. I stay away.
French bread with butter- I can eat the whole loaf. I stay away. Same deal with garlic bread.
Mashed potatoes, with or without gravy- You would need to sew my mouth shut to get my to stop eating these, and then I still might find a way.
Sushi- I never get full from sushi. Ever. I don't feel too bad about this one though, because it's so expensive I can't afford to eat it as much as I'd like. My favorites are just the pieces or plain raw fish over a piece of rice. Again, though, the white rice, with soy sauce.
Candy- I'm sure as a kid, I lost my shit over candy. What kid doesn't? As an adult though, I rarely get a craving for candy, or sweets in general (save for birthday cake). I hate the sugary aftertaste it leaves in my mouth, and sugar makes my stomach hurt.
Ice cream- This is easy for me to control. I can go months without an ice cream and give a flying rat's ass.
Cake- OH MY GOD. I AM the fat kid that loves cake. I can't ever stop at one piece. Good thing there's rarely a reason to eat cake. And I'd feel like a jackass buying a giant sheet cake at King Soopers.
Pancakes/Waffles- One word: Crack.

I'm sure there are other 'bad foods that I stay away from, like nachos and hot dogs and stuff, but in all honestly, I don't think about it. I hardly EVER eat these foods because I know they are bad, and I've known this since I was a child. Instead, what I do is overdo it on the 'good' foods.

I can eat three servings of fish. Drink twelve gallons of iced tea. Eat a flatbed of brown rice. A huge plate of black beans, cheese and sour cream. Three string cheeses for breakfast. Two or three sugar-free pudding cups at once. A massive bowl of salad. Handfuls of walnuts and almonds. Two sweet potatoes. A whole container of strawberries, and raspberries. A whole melon.

It's not WHAT I eat that makes me fat....it's HOW MUCH I eat. Sure, apples are good for you...but two? With four tablespoons of peanut butter (even if it is all-natural)?

What is it that suddenly makes me, in the words of Jenette Fulda, "clean out my fridge with my mouth". No one needs that much food, unless you're Michael Phelps. Am I feeding something emotional, or does my "I'm full" switch in my brain just not work? I suppose only a therapist could answer these questions for me, and truth be told, the thought of scheduling an appointment to talk about why I overeat makes me weak in the knees. Which my gut tells me that it is obviously something emotional.

Why are we, as a people (myself included) so terrified of our emotions? Dean says that he doesn't get upset when kids he's watching at work cry or get angry, because tears are nothing to be afraid of. Getting to the root of why I overeat would ultimately help me to attain happiness, maybe even bliss. It's not the happiness I'm afraid of, in fact, it's the opposite. I crave it, I want to roll around in it, cover myself it it's glorious stink. It's the terrifying journey of saying goodbye short-term satisfaction and self-loathing that I'm so afraid to part with.